I Feel Like My Eating Disorder Will Forever Be A Part of Me

  • I Feel Like My Eating Disorder Will Forever Be A Part of Me

  • Caroline

    February 25 2022 at 02:14 am

    The thing with my undiagnosed eating disorder is that it’s not for looks. Before I got fat, I knew that I wasn’t fat but always felt bigger than I needed to be, I wanted and want to be thin.
    I honestly want to be one step away from death, I want to go into cardiac arrest (sorry to say this but it’s the truth). I want to at one point decide that I no longer want to be on this Earth and my method of suicide will be not eating, and because I’ll already be thin, I’ll just die.

    My motto is,

    “What’s the point in maintaining a body that I don’t want to live in?”

    That’s just how I feel. You may read my other post on bingeing and purging to get more insight into my story.
    The heaviest I’d ever been a few years ago was 154.4lbs, but recently it got up to 189.8lbs, imagine that! That just disgusts me, I have to be honest, not to shame people that are that weight, but for someone that has a mental illness, it’s not ideal. When I was 154.4lbs, I managed to lose almost 40lbs down to 116lbs, and recently with the weight of 189.8lbs, I managed to get down to 164lbs so far.I can’t believe I was so close to 112lbs, my goal weight at a few points in life! I’ll get there, by golly I will!

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