[Caroline]

I must admit, when I was in University, I felt that I wouldn’t be here by the age of 25 years old. Almost ten years later, I’m still here… living, or trying to.

Do I hold thoughts of positivity? Well, I try to, but it’s only short-term positivity. I cannot bear to plan for the long-term, because deep down, I feel like life’s a party and as a true introvert, I want to leave. So thinking about the far future is daunting for me. It’s terrifying actually. I guess in this way, I do live a life of just surviving but not so much based on negativity (I guess you would think that wanting to die is negative, but for me, it’s like a sense of freedom and release). Other than that, I don’t dwell on negativities, I don’t self-deprecate, I try to be content at all times.

I feel like what would make a big change would be if I fell in love with the man of my dreams. I think about him often. I have dreams about him, and when I do, I wake up feeling so content, so at peace. It doesn’t even bother me that’s it’s not a reality, I’m just glad he ‘came to visit’ you know?